MARK TWAIN

THE INNOCENTS ABROAD

From Athens to Piraeus

As we marched along we began to get over our fears and ceased to care much about quarantine scouts or anybody else. We grew bold and reckless; and once, in a sudden burst of courage, I even threw a stone at a dog. It was a pleasant reflection, though, that I did not hit him, because his master might just possibly have been a policeman. Inspired by this happy failure, my valor became utterly uncontrollable, and at intervals I absolutely whistled, though on a moderate key. But boldness breeds boldness, and shortly I plunged into a vineyard, in the full light of the moon, and captured a gallon of superb grapes, not even minding the presence of a peasant who rode by on a mule. Denny and Birch followed my example. Now I had grapes enough for a dozen, but Jackson was all swollen up with courage, too, and he was obliged to enter a vineyard presently. The first bunch he seized brought trouble. A frowzy, bearded brigand sprang into the road with a shout and flourished a musket in the light of the moon! We sidled towards the Piraeus – not running, you understand, but only advancing with celerity. The brigand shouted again, but still we advanced. It was getting late, and we had no time to fool away on every ass that wanted to drivel Greek platitudes to us. We would just as soon have talked with him if we had not been in a hurry. Presently Denny said, ‘Those fellows are following us! ’

We turned, and sure enough, there they were – three fantastic pirates armed with guns. We slackened our pace to let them come up, and in the meantime I got out my cargo of grapes and dropped them firmly but reluctantly into the shadows by the wayside. But I was not afraid. I only felt that it was not right to steal grapes. And all the more so when the owner was around – and not only around, but with his friends around also. The villains came up and searched a bundle Dr Birch had in his hand and scowled upon him when they found it had nothing in it but some holy rocks from Mars Hill, and these were not contraband. They evidently suspected him of playing some wretched fraud upon them and seemed half inclined to scalp the party. But finally they dismissed us with a warning, couched in excellent Greek, I suppose, and dropped tranquilly in our wake. When they had gone three hundred yards they stopped, and went on rejoiced. But behold, another armed rascal came out of the shadows and took their place and followed us two hundred yards. Then he delivered us over to another miscreant, who emerged from some mysterious place, and he in turn to another! For a mile and a half our rear was guarded all the while by armed men. I never traveled in so much state before in all my life.

It was a good while after that before we ventured to steal any more grapes, and when we did we stirred up another troublesome brigand, and then we ceased all further speculation in that line. I suppose that fellow that rode by on the mule posted all the sentinels, from Athens to the Piraeus, about us…

Just as the earliest tinges of the dawn flushed the eastern sky and turned the pillared Parthenon into a broken harp hung in the pearly horizon, we closed our thirteenth mile of weary, roundabout marching and emerged upon the seashore abreast the ships, with our usual escort of fifteen hundred Piraean dogs howling at our heels. We hailed a boat that was two or three hundred yards from the shore and discovered in a moment that oìit was a police boat on the lookout for any quarantine-breakers that might chance to be abroad. So we dodged – we were used to that by this time –and when the scouts reached the spot we had so lately occupied, we were absent. They cruised along the shore, but in the right direction, and shortly our own boat issued from the gloom and took us aboard. They had heard our signal on the ship . We rowed noiselessly away, and before the police boat came in sight again, we were safe at home once more.

Excerpt from:

Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad, 1869.